yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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