mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
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I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
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Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.