dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
