Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
