Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
