Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
