forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
only you would photoshop your dick
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
