I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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