I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So. Much. Porn.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
