Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
