i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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