I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
