the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
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It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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