please come you make the beer taste better
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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