if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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