Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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