This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
