We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
