oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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