listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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