You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
