Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
