sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
