He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
