i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
