I wish I could teleport
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Someone shattered a urinal.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
