I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
