apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
