I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think my fart just growled at me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There r osticjed everywhere
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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