When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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