Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
