i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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