The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
