Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
