I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
