Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
