piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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