apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
