too bad you live with your parents still
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
