My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
