I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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