I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
this boner is exhausting
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
