i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize