So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
