Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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