I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
