if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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