I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
