I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
If I die, sorry about rent.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize