So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize