and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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