You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
