Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
