omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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