Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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