She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
