her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
