Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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