I bet he comes in French.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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